With Lance Armstrong finally coming clean on Oprah this week, the D1 guys had some of their own skeletons that they needed to get out in the open.

First up was none other than Mr. Falatek who this week revenged the sweep by Waynesborough by taking 3 out of 4 courts and giving them their second loss of the season. “OK, the one thing that I have to get off my chest is that their is a certain Dr. who is a member at my club, and I believe I have seen him not only foot fault but actually feet fault on a number of occasions. I have not had the courage to come out in the open on this one because as a paddle professional, I do not think I have a cure.” Captain Tom, who was both physically ill before the contest, was equally disgusted at the results on the scoreboard. Captain Tom went on to explain, “OK the one thing that I feel I have to come clean with is that I was not on the 1979 Championship UMLY Red team. Heck I was only 5 years old, how old do you guys think I really am.”

Overbrook lost not only the match against Aronimink, but one of its unbeaten warriors, Tom Burt lost his first match on Court 1 as well, placing Aronimink only 1 point behind the first place Waynesborough. Although Drew Friel was not available for the match, also had a confession of his won. “I have never told my wife this, but the main reason that I took up paddle about 10 years ago, was to get out of the house a few nights a week and hang with the boys. I have now developed a true love of the sport and other than losing to Waynesborough, there is nothing that I do not enjoy about the game.” Mr. Eger, resident paddle pro at Overbrook stated “I never really clicked last year with those Merion guys. There was just something outwardly weird playing over there and my record showed the discomfort being part of that dysfunctional squad.”

The Mike’s Furman and McGrath had a huge scare as they dropped their first set to Captain Dan and Aiden before turning it around and winning sets 2 and 3. Wallingford also won courts 2 and 3 and now is only 1 point behind Waynesborough. Wallingford hosts Aronimink next week in an almost must win match for both teams. Captain Dan stated that. “I am sometimes actually embarrassed to wear my signature ‘ratty’ green sweater and beat up baseball cap to the inter-club matches but Aiden thinks I kind of look cute in it. I guess I will continue to wear it until he does not like it anymore.” Wallingford Captain, Derek Yost confessed that he thinks the fact that he has been able to assemble such an awesome team may be due to the fact that Wallingford’s Paddle dues are minimal rather then his coaching ability. I have been second guessing myself for the past few years if I could build such a strong program where the initiation fees are five-figures”

Huntingdon Valley took down a Zink filled Greenville this week and creating a log jam at the bottom of the pack in what should be a race to the end with every point being crucial to a teams ability to stay out of the bottom 2 over the next 4 weeks. Only 2 points now separate teams between 8th and 12th place. Simon needed to come out and state “I have never really been comfortable grabbing a most awesome player towards the end of the year to save Greenville’s D1 season after season. There are clauses in my employment contract that depend upon keeping the D1 slot for the members that believe their games are capable of playing there.” Captain Rodney thrilled with his teams first back to back to back wins in Division 1 for the first time in the clubs history confessed, “that the D1 guys, although fun to hang out with, are way too high on their abilities to play the sport. I have only been playing competitively a few years and other than Zink, there is no one that I cannot beat on a regular basis.

Picket Post picked up their second win of the year in a tiebreaker of sets over Merion. Next up with his confession was an anonymous Merion member of their D1 squad (not sure if this can be considered a confession) who stated that although it appears that Merion fields at least 3 to 4 members in their D1 matches (each week) and the others are pro’s or invited guests, nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is that none of them are dues paying members.” The MMRC has launched a full investigation of this statement and will report back in a few weeks time.

P-Country picked up their first win in 5 weeks over P-Cricket this week. There is not much more to say about the races in the bottom six, as it will be one of the most exciting finishes that this sport has ever seen. P-Country’s Andrew Hocker has confessed “I am truly worried for my job at PCC. If I cannot manage to get these guys out of the bottom 2, I too will probably end up at Wallingford.” Larry Hyde from P-Cricket stated “I have a special home made formula that is about time I shared with my P-Cricket brothers. If we cannot stay out of the bottom 2, we might as well have a great time trying!!”

The Wild, Wild Westchester League 2013 Winter Week 2
FCPTL Week 11 – What's the Math?

Keith Studnick